Hi,
My evil twin brother asked me to write a postface too. He was planning to write more articles, but then he won a trip to the Moon in a lottery. He promised to write a second edition when he gets back, though. In the meantime he has staked me. He returned some money he loaned from me once upon a time. He told me that I'd better give him a 99 % of my winnings for that dollar I got back. Well. I don't really know what a postface is, even though my brother tried to explain it. I have to go now anyway. My brother said that I suck at poker, and instructed me to invest that dollar at a craps table as soon as possible. Yeah, right.
I have some advice to all the readers: Don't even think about following my brother's advice. You'll probably go broke in no time at all if you do. Don't say I didn't warn you.
I wish you the best of luck at the poker table (if you read and understood that last paragraph anyway).
-THEjDonk
Monday, November 27, 2006
Hand selection
Yeah. Here I am again. I promised to print a hand selection chart. After thinking for a while, I decided to drop the idea, because charts are for losers. You have to use your feel to decide if you think you have the odds to enter the pot. I can't teach you how to acquire this feel. It's a matter of fact that the greatest Donkeys in the world has a brain that is designed to calculate odds based on very subtle sensing mechanisms. I could teach you some tricks that would help you to develop these mechanisms, but that is beyond the scope of this text. It's very complicated stuff. Instead, I'm going to teach you some other hand selection methods.
One thing that is very important is to check your horoscope when you get up in the morning. Astrology is a great tool that can be used to determine how to play at the poker table. The position of the planets can help you to predict if you're going to hit your flush draw, or whatever else you have to consider at the table. I told you earlier about the first time I lost my bankroll. If I had read my horoscope that day, it would never have happened. Here's what it said: "Don't trust your feelings today. A cosmic phenomena will disturb your senses, and result in poor decisions. This will not only affect your love life. You can't even trust your own judgment in financial scenarios. Do not invest any great amount of money, because you're destined to lose. Be patient. Your luck will be better tomorrow."
Now I'm going to teach you a more boring and less scientific method of making decisions at the table. Let's say that you get 72 of clubs. If your hand was offsuit, you should definitely play it, but this hand lacks some of the deceptive value. It's not totally unthinkable that your opponent might put you on 72 suited, because a lot of fish love to play suited cards (it's unlikely that anyone at the table actually realizes that you're in fact a Donkey, not a Fish). You have a difficult decision about whether or not to play this borderline hand. I'd say you should play it about 70 % of the time.
You have to use randomization in your play. It's not a very good play to play this hand 7 times, then fold it three times and repeat this cyclic behaviour. Any pattern in your play can be used by your opponents to their advantage. Here's a method that I use. It's based on some kind of mathematical stuff, and it's called game theory. You need some kind of random phenomena, so I suggest that you use a die. 4 is a pretty unlucky number, so if you roll a 4 vou should fold. Now you're very close to the desired 70 %, so you'll play when you don't roll a 4. But what about using some randomization about HOW to play your hand too? 3 is a lucky number. Everyone knows that. If you roll a 3, you should slowplay your hand. With that lucky toss, you're bound to get a good flop. You'll probably make at least bottom pair, bottom kicker (great against an over-aggressive idiot that missed with AK or something like that) or a quality draw (preferrably a gutshot, because gutshot draws are more deceptive).
If you neither roll a 3 or a 4, that's a sign that your luck is pretty neutral on that hand. You have to play your 72 suited aggressively. Raise preflop. I prefer to mini-raise. This is not because I want to see the flop relatively cheaply, as would be the case with pocket aces or that kind of hand. With 72 suited, you want action. The mini-raise will ensure that a lot of Fish enter the pot. If you're lucky, someone will mini-reraise and you'll build a huge pot. Go ahead and mini-reraise back and keep mini-raising as long as you can (This technique is actually very uncommon at real-money tables, but I see it surprisingly often when I play at play money tables). Play money isn't really my thing, though. I prefer to win the real stuff. Move all-in on most flop when you raised pre-flop. If you flop a backdoor flush draw, move in. Backdoor draws are really nice, because they're very deceptive. You should not delay the aggression until you hit the draw, because then your opponent might be able to get away from his hand.
That's all there is to it. I'll leave it up to you to figure out how to use game theory with the other hands you'll play. With the exception of 72, you should be very eager to play suited cards. If you flop a flush draw, you have a great hand. Don't be afraid of someone having a better flush draw than you. It's not very likely that someone has Ax suited when you have 93 suited, and if someone has Kx suited, you should be able to force him out of the pot with your aggressive play.
One thing that is very important is to check your horoscope when you get up in the morning. Astrology is a great tool that can be used to determine how to play at the poker table. The position of the planets can help you to predict if you're going to hit your flush draw, or whatever else you have to consider at the table. I told you earlier about the first time I lost my bankroll. If I had read my horoscope that day, it would never have happened. Here's what it said: "Don't trust your feelings today. A cosmic phenomena will disturb your senses, and result in poor decisions. This will not only affect your love life. You can't even trust your own judgment in financial scenarios. Do not invest any great amount of money, because you're destined to lose. Be patient. Your luck will be better tomorrow."
Now I'm going to teach you a more boring and less scientific method of making decisions at the table. Let's say that you get 72 of clubs. If your hand was offsuit, you should definitely play it, but this hand lacks some of the deceptive value. It's not totally unthinkable that your opponent might put you on 72 suited, because a lot of fish love to play suited cards (it's unlikely that anyone at the table actually realizes that you're in fact a Donkey, not a Fish). You have a difficult decision about whether or not to play this borderline hand. I'd say you should play it about 70 % of the time.
You have to use randomization in your play. It's not a very good play to play this hand 7 times, then fold it three times and repeat this cyclic behaviour. Any pattern in your play can be used by your opponents to their advantage. Here's a method that I use. It's based on some kind of mathematical stuff, and it's called game theory. You need some kind of random phenomena, so I suggest that you use a die. 4 is a pretty unlucky number, so if you roll a 4 vou should fold. Now you're very close to the desired 70 %, so you'll play when you don't roll a 4. But what about using some randomization about HOW to play your hand too? 3 is a lucky number. Everyone knows that. If you roll a 3, you should slowplay your hand. With that lucky toss, you're bound to get a good flop. You'll probably make at least bottom pair, bottom kicker (great against an over-aggressive idiot that missed with AK or something like that) or a quality draw (preferrably a gutshot, because gutshot draws are more deceptive).
If you neither roll a 3 or a 4, that's a sign that your luck is pretty neutral on that hand. You have to play your 72 suited aggressively. Raise preflop. I prefer to mini-raise. This is not because I want to see the flop relatively cheaply, as would be the case with pocket aces or that kind of hand. With 72 suited, you want action. The mini-raise will ensure that a lot of Fish enter the pot. If you're lucky, someone will mini-reraise and you'll build a huge pot. Go ahead and mini-reraise back and keep mini-raising as long as you can (This technique is actually very uncommon at real-money tables, but I see it surprisingly often when I play at play money tables). Play money isn't really my thing, though. I prefer to win the real stuff. Move all-in on most flop when you raised pre-flop. If you flop a backdoor flush draw, move in. Backdoor draws are really nice, because they're very deceptive. You should not delay the aggression until you hit the draw, because then your opponent might be able to get away from his hand.
That's all there is to it. I'll leave it up to you to figure out how to use game theory with the other hands you'll play. With the exception of 72, you should be very eager to play suited cards. If you flop a flush draw, you have a great hand. Don't be afraid of someone having a better flush draw than you. It's not very likely that someone has Ax suited when you have 93 suited, and if someone has Kx suited, you should be able to force him out of the pot with your aggressive play.
Friday, November 17, 2006
Different kinds of poker players
Damn. I forgot to mention the table selection criteria. Here's my method. I enter the lobby, and find the games that my bankroll barely allows me to play in. Then I close my eyes, move the mouse around for a while, and enter the table that the pointer lands on. Now I'm left with a tougher decision. I have to decide what seat to take. If there's a hot female avatar in the game, I try to sit as close to her as possible. If not, I will have to use my good judgement as to what seat is the luckiest one at the table. It often helps to ask THE Fish that's been there for a while, because they have probably noticed where the lucky seat is.
Who are these Fish and Shark I've been telling you about? I divide poker players into three categories. Most players belong in the category "Fish". They tend to make sounder decisions than THE Sharks when it comes to starting hand requirements, but fail to play the hands optimally. I honestly think it's better to fold a quality hand like 72 offsuit preflop than to play it poorly. Only a real expert can enter a pot with this hand and make a huge profit from it, so THE Fish will either have to fold it or (preferrably) learn to play it aggressively enough to make a profit. Remember that you have to play tight AND aggressive to be a winning player.
THE Shark are one step above THE Fish in the food chain. They profit from THE Fish that think they can just limp in with 94 suited and see if they hit something. That's not the right way to play suited monsters. THE shark prefer to fold the monsters preflop, and play questionable holdings like high pairs, AK and the like. THE shark doesn't understand that these hands will often be beaten by players with unsuited, unconnected small cards. Because THE shark doesn't grasp the concept of suckout-odds, they are easy prey for the real experts.
The real poker experts are called THE Donkeys. THE Donkeys will raise preflop with 7-2 offsuit, flop a backdoor gutshot straight draw on a ten-high board and move all-in. Preferrably they will be up against some stupid shark that thinks his pocket queens or jacks are good and calls. THE Donkey knows that the suckout-odds makes a push on the flop the only right thing to do. If he doesn't hit the backdoor straight, he'll probably hit the backdoor trips or two pairs. That's why THE Donkey wins again and again. There are not many pots that THE Donkey doesn't win with this ingenious play. Luckily for us, it seems like THE Fish will never realize that they must play aggressively with these kinds of monster flops.
I'd love to teach you more, but right now I have a big game to play. See you all later.
Who are these Fish and Shark I've been telling you about? I divide poker players into three categories. Most players belong in the category "Fish". They tend to make sounder decisions than THE Sharks when it comes to starting hand requirements, but fail to play the hands optimally. I honestly think it's better to fold a quality hand like 72 offsuit preflop than to play it poorly. Only a real expert can enter a pot with this hand and make a huge profit from it, so THE Fish will either have to fold it or (preferrably) learn to play it aggressively enough to make a profit. Remember that you have to play tight AND aggressive to be a winning player.
THE Shark are one step above THE Fish in the food chain. They profit from THE Fish that think they can just limp in with 94 suited and see if they hit something. That's not the right way to play suited monsters. THE shark prefer to fold the monsters preflop, and play questionable holdings like high pairs, AK and the like. THE shark doesn't understand that these hands will often be beaten by players with unsuited, unconnected small cards. Because THE shark doesn't grasp the concept of suckout-odds, they are easy prey for the real experts.
The real poker experts are called THE Donkeys. THE Donkeys will raise preflop with 7-2 offsuit, flop a backdoor gutshot straight draw on a ten-high board and move all-in. Preferrably they will be up against some stupid shark that thinks his pocket queens or jacks are good and calls. THE Donkey knows that the suckout-odds makes a push on the flop the only right thing to do. If he doesn't hit the backdoor straight, he'll probably hit the backdoor trips or two pairs. That's why THE Donkey wins again and again. There are not many pots that THE Donkey doesn't win with this ingenious play. Luckily for us, it seems like THE Fish will never realize that they must play aggressively with these kinds of monster flops.
I'd love to teach you more, but right now I have a big game to play. See you all later.
Table selection and bankroll requirements.
One of the lessons I've learned the hard way is not to put too much of your bankroll into a single game. The first time I played poker online, I had just deposited $1 000. I took all of it to a no-limit hold'em game with 100/200 $ blinds. I made the decision to sit in the seat 2 places to the left of the big blind in a tenhanded game. I could feel that luck was pouring out from that seat, so I decided to post a live blind right away instead of waiting for the big blind. Here's what happened next:
The guy in the first seat made a standard raise of 4x the big blind from early position. I had the feeling that this was a shark that's trying to steal the blinds without much of a hand. He probably expected everyone else to fold. I looked down to find the Jack of clubs, 3 of diamonds. This is a quality hand, as you'll see in the "hand-selection chart" that I'm going to present. One of its greatest strengths is that your opponent will never suspect that you raise with that hand, so he might fold a lot of his possible hands. I moved all-in, expecting him to give up on his steal. All the other dudes folded, and my opponent instantly called, even though it's $ 200 to call into a $ 2 099 pot. He flipped over pocket tens. I said to myself: "What a horrible call!".
The flop comes [J 5 3]
turn [3]
river[T]
The sucker caught a runner-runner full house to beat me on the river. What a luckbox. I told him how lucky he was, and went to beat up my brother who was in ROFL-mode at the rail. He loaned me $1 for teaching him some manners. I put the dollar into my account and moved over to a roulette table. Thanks to my skills at roulette, I got back to $ 1000 in two and a half minute.
I learned one important thing. Never put all of your bankroll into a single game. Now I keep at least 50 % of it out of the games I decide to play. This means that I sometimes have to pass up on juicy games with lots of Shark, but my bankroll is always safe.
The guy in the first seat made a standard raise of 4x the big blind from early position. I had the feeling that this was a shark that's trying to steal the blinds without much of a hand. He probably expected everyone else to fold. I looked down to find the Jack of clubs, 3 of diamonds. This is a quality hand, as you'll see in the "hand-selection chart" that I'm going to present. One of its greatest strengths is that your opponent will never suspect that you raise with that hand, so he might fold a lot of his possible hands. I moved all-in, expecting him to give up on his steal. All the other dudes folded, and my opponent instantly called, even though it's $ 200 to call into a $ 2 099 pot. He flipped over pocket tens. I said to myself: "What a horrible call!".
The flop comes [J 5 3]
turn [3]
river[T]
The sucker caught a runner-runner full house to beat me on the river. What a luckbox. I told him how lucky he was, and went to beat up my brother who was in ROFL-mode at the rail. He loaned me $1 for teaching him some manners. I put the dollar into my account and moved over to a roulette table. Thanks to my skills at roulette, I got back to $ 1000 in two and a half minute.
I learned one important thing. Never put all of your bankroll into a single game. Now I keep at least 50 % of it out of the games I decide to play. This means that I sometimes have to pass up on juicy games with lots of Shark, but my bankroll is always safe.
Introduction
Hi,
My name is Ian, and I'm known as "THEiDonk" on the internet. Most books written about poker are horrible. You can see it merely by looking at the cover. I've actually studied a few of them more thoroughly than that. A quick glance at the "hand-selection charts" in those books tells me that the writers are complete amateurs. These guys try to play like Shark, and goes after the Fish. This might give them enough for butter on the bread if they're lucky. Now I'm going to teach you how to pay for that expensive car that you don't really need, but purchased anyway. After you've read this book, you can feed your money to fish, birds or whatever other beasts you would like (including those pesky humans), since you'll be making a lot. If you overspend, you can always ask your bank for a loan. With the secrets in this book, you'll be able to repay it in no time if you so desire. I also advocate a strict bankroll management system that I'm going to discuss in one of the following chapters. This is especially useful if you (of some unknown reason) suspect that noone is going to lend you money if you go broke.
My name is Ian, and I'm known as "THEiDonk" on the internet. Most books written about poker are horrible. You can see it merely by looking at the cover. I've actually studied a few of them more thoroughly than that. A quick glance at the "hand-selection charts" in those books tells me that the writers are complete amateurs. These guys try to play like Shark, and goes after the Fish. This might give them enough for butter on the bread if they're lucky. Now I'm going to teach you how to pay for that expensive car that you don't really need, but purchased anyway. After you've read this book, you can feed your money to fish, birds or whatever other beasts you would like (including those pesky humans), since you'll be making a lot. If you overspend, you can always ask your bank for a loan. With the secrets in this book, you'll be able to repay it in no time if you so desire. I also advocate a strict bankroll management system that I'm going to discuss in one of the following chapters. This is especially useful if you (of some unknown reason) suspect that noone is going to lend you money if you go broke.
Preface, by THEjDonk
My evil twin brother asked me to write this preface to his ground-breaking new poker book. He also asked me to publish the book on my blog, since he's too unsophisticated to create his own blog. He is known in the online poker rooms worldwide as "THE internet Donk" or "THEiDonk". I've seen him walk away from a table with mountains of chips after sucking out on all the other players at the table. He plays like a complete maniac, and I find it strange that the mathemathical expectation of his bad plays hasn't put him out of business yet. I thought that variance was going to get smaller the more he played. Not so for my brother. He taunts me because he's making more money than myself, but I'm going to tell you one thing. If you follow my brother's advice, you will never become a good player. If you need a good laugh, go ahead and read it. It's the advice of one of the biggest Donkeys on the internet. Unlike me, it's not ironic that he uses the term "Donk" in his nickname. He's a lazy bum too. I bet that he won't even bother to read my preface. Oh, well. No need for editing here.
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